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Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

Leaky Pipes

January 1st, 2012

Dear J,   Happy New Year I threw up once.  I mean to say I have thrown up several times, but this was particularly memorable,  if that’s how you describe these things.  It was in 1981 on an overnight train to Lisbon, Portugal.  I had started feeling a bit “off” as evening fell.  With a […]

Helpful Accompanying Notes

August 2nd, 2011

Dear J. This arrived the other day. General Instructions. Andy experiences lower back pain and stiffness at times. He was receiving physio and hydrotherapy while in London and did very well. If he seems more stiff than usual, i.e. he has difficulty sitting down(he is slow anyway but this is really slow) or if he […]

Dear L, In response to your invitation to contribute to your discussion of, “losing your voice,” regarding your current writing project, I offer you a series of events that has really worked wonders with my creative mojo. First off, I am pleased to inform you that I received a 19 out of 20 on Constance’s […]

Dear Editor, I hereby threaten to lop the head off of a harmless and defenseless, wait for it, SLED DOG. I am afraid it won’t be a clean kill for I plan on doing a bunch of unprintable atrocities to it first.   And here’s why.    I just read a story entitled, “Hundreds Seek to Adopt […]

Hurricane Phyllis

February 2nd, 2011

Dear J, I use “dear” certainly not because I really feel that way, but because I have recently read reports that all of this email and texting nonsense is starting to erode at the essence of the traditional letter. Eventually we’ll be left with nothing but the basest of rudimentary salutations like Yo or Hey […]

Facebook is a Dangerous Tool

November 24th, 2010

Kyle Dresden Wrote: November 24 at 12:38am Hypothetically speaking, if you ran a small dog boarding facility and one of the “guests” saw fit to discover the small leghold trap you had baited with bacon grease and set underneath the sink to detain and later torture (because that’s the kind of guy you are) a […]

Mamma’s Boy

October 30th, 2010

Hello Pasquale, Please find the enclosed invoice for October. As well, I am afraid we might have put Tony off this week when he picked up Paisley. I do feel a bit of an explanation on our part is in order.  Though slightly long winded I will try and condense a bit of back ground. […]

Dear Olive, Today is slowish here at the hotel and so I’ll bother you. I’ve just spent about 20 minutes extracting an amalgamation of some very special sludge that had seen fit to plug the sink drain. This introduces two opposing schools of thought here at Barksville. I find myself most often in search of […]

Momentary Loss of Composure

September 28th, 2010

Dear Clare, The rain is here serving to illustrate a few of the shortcomings of our setup.  A huge bit of malicious digging that has been going on over the course of the summer has seriously compromised our wood chip, mud reducing ground cover.  Now the normally quite straight forward activity of letting a few […]

Dear J, Based on the fact that it has been two months and I have yet to hear a reply from my previous missive I thought I might just overlook that certain oversight and rather take the opportunity to ask a little advice based on the following rant. Traveling instructions for Bianca B Fishbone Morning: […]

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